In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
