is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
