Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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