oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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