Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
