OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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