i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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