she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
