There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
