I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
