My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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