oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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