you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
