This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You're like the curious george of whores
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
