So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
