Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
third nipple confirmed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
