Grow some girl-balls and come out already
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
