hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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