I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm too high and old for this...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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