Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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