oh god the rape fog is back!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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