I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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