Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
