Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
