His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
