I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
