How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
