I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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