I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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