Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Don't make out with my wife yet
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
