I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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