i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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