Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What changed your mind?
Being sober
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize