Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The power of my boobs compel you
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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