His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
