I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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