I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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