please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
