you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
