Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
