Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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