true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
