That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we're chasing vodka with high fives
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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