you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
