we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I smell like Dick and happiness
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
