ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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