***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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