I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
