You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
