Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
