last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
