I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
