i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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