I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
