Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
