Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
