oh god the rape fog is back!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
