i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
