i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
