After last night, I could never be a politician.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
