My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
