Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
