I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Enjoy the penises
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
