i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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