is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
