apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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