Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
