I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
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Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
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Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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