i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
