Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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