I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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