I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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