my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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