A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
