I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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