He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
