I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
