Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's blow job season.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
