What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
